UGH!!! I absolutely wish we had only agreed to once or twice a year on letters to bio-mother. UGH!! We are having to write 4 times a year, but I just don't want to. She shows little interest in my daughter most of the year and she doesn't understand the fact that we will not let her see Anna again for a very long time. The whole content of her letters is asking for a visit. Not just once, but the last letter she wrote asked us to meet her once a week. YEAH right! First of all, we live 6 hours away. Second of all, the last visit we had was detrimental to Anna's well-being. Third of all....N_O_ NO!!!! Its not happening.
Its not that I'm not happy to have some contact with bio-family, its just that I don't want to write 4 times a year. I have nothing to say to the woman. Honestly. NOTHING! I tell her the same things every letter. (Anna is tall. What size she is currently in, even though she will never get anything from her. How school is going. What she likes in school and what she doesn't like. BLAH! BLAH! Blah!) I stopped sending a whole bunch of pictures each time as well and now only send 1-2 per letter. I bet that wasn't well received, but oh well.
The point is, I just don't want to write these letters anymore. Unfortunately, we are bound by the stupid agreement, until Anna turns 18. Not that bio-mom would know the difference, but if she did figure it out one day and realized we weren't holding up to our end of the agreement, she could sue us. Anyhow. I guess that's all. Its just one of the parts of our adoption I don't like. I regret signing that agreement, completely. I can't wait till we're done with it. Praying I can make it another 9 years and a few months.
I've Got an Itchy Trigger Finger. No, Really!
4 months ago
2 comments:
Here in Oklahoma, you can make all the agreements you want, but there is no law that legally forces you to continue any sort of contact with bios. I don't know if this will help, but while reading your blog, I was thinking about the court reports I had to write for my foster kids every time we went to court. (It was A LOT with some kids!) It was very unemotional. I wonder if that is where you are having the problem with writing. It's very hard to write about someone you love SO much and send it to someone who just doesn't really care. Anyway, our court reports were just that...a factual report. "S has been in our home for 2 years now. She is 5 years old. She has not been to the doctor and is very healthy. S likes to play _____. She is in choir at church now once a week." That sort of thing...all facts, no emotion. I always tried to include something funny the child did or said. "He is starting to talk and now tells the dog NO-NO all the time." And I would send two pictures...one was showing their personality and the other was more like a portrait. It was information you could give to anyone. I wonder too if it would help if you sent more of a form letter, where you just filled in the blanks each time. I know there are many adoptive parents who are in love with their birth parents and it's hard for those of us who do not have that kind of relationship to not feel guilty. I'm telling you that you don't have to feel guilty. I don't praise my bio parents for giving up their kids...they didn't...the state was FORCED to take their children because they refused to stop their drug habit and take care of the kids themselves. Sorry...babbling...I hope this helps some. If you'd like, I can send you a copy of a court report to use as a guide. tracyphillips93@gmail.com
I was thinking the same thing that the other person commented! I would be VERY short...fulfill your "agreement" by sending a letter. You don't have to make it long...just send one. I think a "form letter" would be great...less emotional for you...fill in the blanks and you are still fulfilling your part. Is there any way that you can have that part of the legal agreement changed? I know that in custody cases, the visitation and such can be changed all the time. It's just a thought. I don't understand why you would HAVE to keep that much contact with someone who could care less...it's not fair to all of you! I will be praying!!!
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