Overwhelmed

Been feeling a lot overwhelmed lately and like I don't belong in the classroom.  Today was a particularly rough day.  I have random thoughts come into my head and make it hard for me to believe that I belong in the classroom.  Sigh.  Kids have also bee off the wall crazy this week with Halloween and all.  I tried to keep our "Halloween" related activities to a minimum.  I changed books we were reading, found some of my own activities, etc.  We did make masks, but that's more for fun.  We also did lots with pumpkins, but other than that, I really tried not to do too much. 

But I digress, back to the reason I started this post...I'm having a particularly rough year.  I know part of it's because I received no training from the district at all.  The other part is because I am relying solely on other people to plan lessons and since we aren't really ahead, it makes it hard.  They have a curriculum that the school adopted, but other than some of the literature from it and the tests for beginning, middle and the end of the year, it does not get used.  I can see why, as the literature parts are great, but the rest is not really easy to use.  You can't really take great stories and make a curriculum out of them.  So, since we are all "on the same page" or doing the same thing, we meet every Tuesday to plan.  I can't possibly get everything I need on my own to make the curriculum work in such a short amount of time, so I just get a few things and "share" with other teachers things that belong to them.  It gets old borrowing all the time....really old.  I can't afford to buy everything that they have though, so I have no other options.

My aide is great too, but I get the feeling that I am not using her as much as I should be, but there we are back to the no training thing, so I really don't know what I am supposed to be doing.  The other teachers always say to let the aide do it.  The aide is there to help me in my opinion, not do all my work for me.  She does a lot for me, copying, laminating, cutting out, crowd control, etc.  I do not feel like adding to her responsibilities is fair. 

And my number one source of being overwhelmed right now is the nagging fear in the back of my head related to our past.  :-(
I can not get this horrible thought out of my head that I do not belong in the classroom and something terrible is going to come up and I will be fired on the spot and not be allowed to teach ever again.  Sigh.  It's not a good feeling.  I don't know why it keeps coming back, but I've had enough.  Just the thoughts put tears in my eyes and that's easy to do lately. 

Alright, its bedtime.  Will post more tomorrow, but falling asleep here typing.  Prayers still very much appreciated.  This is hard for me still.  Thanks all. 

Hmmm.

Wow!  Not sure I like new blogger layout for posting.  Looked the same till I went to post.  Now I'm way confused...but, thats not why I'm posting today.  I'm posting about Autism.

Yes, Autism.  Did you know that April is Autism awareness month?  It is.  We did the walk for Autism awareness on Sunday.  It was hot, but fun.  Did you also know that dealing with some parts of it can be challenging on a day-to-day basis?  It can.  Some people have more of a challenge than others.  Sigh, anyways, I'm really writing to vent some feelings.

We found out that my daughter dis-obeyed us yesterday.  It is going to cost us an extra $25 in fees for what she did.  Sigh.  Now comes the hard part.  I am not 100% sure that she did it on purpose.  She told us she understood when we were going over the rules of this new item.  She recited things back to us, but it never sunk in.  Anyways, so yesterday we allowed her some freedom and instead it came back to bite us.  She did exactly what we tole her not to do.  She must have done it all day too, cause like i said, we have an extra $25 in fees from one days work.  I took the item and modified it and password protected it so that hopefully it won't happen again, but then came the punishment phase.  Sigh.  Even if she honestly didn't remember why she did it, we had to punish her.  So, for the next however long it takes to pay us back, she will be working it off.  No allowance for her until it is all paid in full.  This could take 2-3 months to pay back.  Sigh.  It is so hard to punish her when she honestly doesn't always have a clear thought in her mind.  It is really a parental dilemma.  I am trying to help her learn how to do right and act right, but sometimes she makes wrong decisions and she can never tell us why.  She can't even tell us when she feels bad half the time, you have to use her visual clues to figure it out.  So, I'm just torn half the time.  Yes we discussed why she did wrong, but is it really sinking in.  I wonder sometimes.

I know some people will never get this.  Some might, but most of you have kids who can describe how they feel, act right in all social situations, have no delays, and no sensory issues.  Sigh.  Just a little vent.  Not really going anywhere with this.  Just needed to get it out.  I better go, so I can encourage my lovely daughter through school time.  I do love her very much.  Nothing would ever change that.  I just am frustrated right now.  I'm human.  If you don't like it, don't read here anymore.  Sigh....

Sad...

All the hurt and pain I go through each time someone has a new baby, no one will ever know...I feel excited for them and love the new baby, but deep down inside I am hurting....Its something no one will ever understand....

And the Surgery results are...

Well, the surgery was a success. The successfully removed a wall that went all the way down the middle on my uterus and took out one really large fibroid, one smaller one and drained a cyst. So, we are done for now. Wednesday was a lot of sleep and recovery from surgery. I don't remember a whole lot that happened Wednesday. Thursday I had a few people come to visit, including both my doctors and we were pretty set on me going home on Friday.

Friday morning someone decided that I needed to have an iron IV. I did great on Friday morning. I had a few visitors, ate some lunch and they disconnected the IV. I was all cleared and ready to go. About two hours later, I want to say about 4pm, before I had been fully discharged, I had a BAD reaction. I ran a high fever, got really chilled, shivered and chattered and moaned. I went down hill and fast. I felt downright awful. Worse then I ever remember feeling. EVER! The finally determined that it was a negative reaction to the iron and that I would need a new IV and lots of meds to clear me up. It took over 8 hours, but around 12:30am, I started to feel okay again.

I awoke fully for the day Saturday at 8:00am. I was felling good and ready to go, but would they let me go? I had breakfast, then around 10am, they brought me my morning medicines. At that time I was getting ready for a morning shower, so they covered my IV with some tape. They gave me one medicine in my IV, then I had to have the IV flushed. The medicine went in fine, but she blew the IV out of my arm with the flush. It was a mess. Didn't hurt, but made a big mess.

Anyhow, I showered and ordered lunch, walked the halls slowly and waited patiently to see the doctor. I was hoping and praying that they would let me go. When the doctor came to see me, she looked my my IV, took vitals and determined I was good to go. We were out of there by 1:15pm and home by 1:30pm. I am so glad to be home. It was good relief to relax on my couch and watch my TV and check out my things. So glad that I didn't have to call the nurse every time I needed something or call ahead an hour before I wanted my supper. YEAH!! I AM HOME!!

Can I Scream????

UGH!! Can I SCREAM!!! I had the worst pictures ever of Anna taken a few weeks ago and I was assured that they would print fine, BUT they printed horribly! They are all blurry and out of focus and the new one that FINALLY came in is so dark you can't see her!! I am so not happy with this company. I am in the process of asking for a refund, since I obviously will have to go some where else and do them again. What happened to good old fashioned customer service!!! I had to call another stores location to get in contact with a regional manager. I am very upset and sad to know that we will have to do this again. You can only get the initial pictures once. Taking them again somewhere else is almost pointless. UGH!!! So upset and frustrated!!! Her pose and smile were so cute too. Sigh!!.......

Wanted: Read On!

Wanted:
New Job!

Requirements:
*Appreciate the workers you have and the hard work they do.
*Talk with respect to your employees.
*Know how to make a schedule.

Date: Two Weeks from today

RSVP: ASAP

Contact: Me

Comments: UGH!

Superficial

I've had it with superficial people! I can't stand people who do not want to include me for who I am. I don't get it. Please, don't include me in things out of obligation. I'd rather not go at all and YES, I CAN tell when you are superficial. I do not need the stress in my life. I need people who know who I am and love me anyways! I need someone to include me (and Anna) cause you like to spend time with us. I do NOT like to be an after-thought of your plans. The oh yeah, we need to call Nicole and see if she wants to go long after you've made plans or started makes me mad. Just don't call at all. I've had it.

What I do need is someone who likes me for who I am and what I am about. I am not going to change to please you. I want someone who will go shopping with me, knowing I can't buy the $30 pair of shoes on the rack. I will be the one hunting down the $5 and under clearance. Anything over $10 is usually out of our price range. I want someone who like to spend time at the park and do other free or nearly free things. The play areas in restaurants are good too. I need someone who will call and say "Hey! How's it going?" and truly want to know. I need someone who is true to their word! I need a real friend, not superficial. Superficial people annoy me!

There, now I've said my piece about it all. If you are my really friend, you can ignore this. If you are a superficial person, then stop it. I need only true friends.

Sincerely Me!

Babies Movie

Ok, I admit, I'm attracted to babies period, but this movie looks too cute. I do believe that I WILL go see this one in the theatres. I will definately take my mom, but may even take Anna to it. It looks so cute and neat and is definately a learning experience of the different cultures. Watch the trailer and tell me what you think...

Spring Cleaning and Clearing

Spring Cleaning is going very well. I am cleaning up and especially clearing out. Some things have sold already and I am meeting someone else in 15 minutes at a nearby store. It will probably take me a week or more to clear out all that I want gone. We somehow manage to gather all kinds of excess throughout the course of the year.

We did use some of the money for things I've already sold to pay our library fines. Anna and I took back the books and paid the fines. For what I paid, I could have bought 2-3 books. I hope that never happens again, or I will ONLY buy our books. At least then I don't have to worry about them going back. LOL! I changed my e-mail address with them so hopefully we are good to go and I will catch it sooner next time.

Anyhow, that's all for now. Take care all. Have a good weekend and Happy Spring Cleaning to all!! :-)

Commercial Tears

This commerical made me cry. It is so true and every mom needs to watch this. It is truly the best thought out commercial ever. Thanks P&G!!

Pansy Update

A few of you asked for a pansy update. So far, so good. They are mostly still alive. No actual flower buds yet, but I haven't completely killed the sprouts either. They are still growing, which to me is a good sign. I just do not have that green thumb, but I sure try. Here are pictures from yesterday of the sprouts:

So, as you can see, they aren't dead yet. I have decided to quit turning the pot every day. It was making them look funny. You can still tell where the window is anyhow. LOL! Hope that helps and maybe someday soon we'll see some flower buds. Remind me again and I will try and post an update. Thanks for asking.

Attitude of Gratitude

Ok, that is totally neat and amazing. I was nominated for an award. This will be my first ever. Pretty cool, huh? I was nominated by Funk Squared and here is what she said:

Momshiway- I think this is one of my friends here in Lubbock! She is a home
schooler, a very sweet young woman, and has a heart of gold. Besides doing
foster child care she has been a teacher and loves Disney too! Give her blog a
view.

Pretty cool, huh!! I have never been nominated before for anything. Anyhow, now I need to repay the favor, so here goes...

The Rules:

1. Put the logo on the your blog.

2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show an attitude of gratitude.

3. Link to your nominees within your post

4. Comment on their blogs to let them know they've received this award.

5. Share the love and link to this post and the person who nominated you for the award. Tell us how you've come to have an attitude of gratitude. Here we go, in no particular order!!

And the blogs I nominate (This is hard to do, because I read WAY more than 10, and most people probably don't know I read their blogs, but I will try this out anyways):

1. Wyld and the Crazies: This is my husband's blog. He post sometimes and I am very glad that he is back blogging again. I missed his blog posts when he took a "leave" from blogging.

2. Those Wacky Boyettes: This is a friend from Fort Worth. We used to teach together and now she is a stay-at-home mom. I love being able to keep up on her and the cute little kids. I miss our girls night outs....this was pre-kids. LOL!!

3. We're Blessed: This is a local homeschooling family. Her girls and Anna have a great time and we have a great fellowship when we're together. She is an amazing person. (You won't be able to see hers.)

4. West Texas Country Life: Another local homeschool mom with 5 kids. That a lot and how a family with that many ever finishes school is beyond me. LOL. I don't know if I would ever finish. (You won't be able to see hers either.)

5. Bohemian Sherryle: Another local homeschool mom. She was going to the same church too, but life changes and such. She hasn't posted in a long time, but I love her blog when she does post. Absolutely amazing and insightful posts for the most part. She is quite the writer.

6. Hannah Daze: This is my husband's cousin's blog. :-) Did I lose you yet? I love reading this blog as well as looking at all the great pictures of her daughter Hannah. (Side note...Hi Hannah, from Anna.)

7. Just Me and My G: Here is a blog that I have been following for a long time. I watched her struggle and fight for her foster child and she got her. I am so happy for her. Now she is caring for an elderly mother. She is an inspirational person. We have some similarities too, although I have never met her, I know she drives out this way sometimes.

8. Lori's Lines: A blog I read. She has adopted both her children and has amazing trust and faith in God, even through all the difficult times. Her recent posts show Him and his amazing work!!

9. Too Blessed To Be Stressed: Another Foster Care blog I follow. They have triumphed and praised God, even in the midst of a tragedy and now have a new baby. I truly love to read this blog and see God hard at work for this family. It is quite amazing.

10. My Charming Kids: This is the blog for Stellan, the cute little baby we have all been praying for. She has amazing faith as well and I love to read their updates. Please continue to pray for their little baby.

Ok, I read WAY more blogs than this, but, it says 10, so I limited it to 10. I hope everyone enjoyed and thanks Carrie for my award. Have a good week all.

Maybe its a good thing....

Maybe its a good thing I was at work when the severe storms hit us yesterday. It was apparently bad enough that they had people taking cover and taking cover is exactly what my husband did with Anna and our nephew, Aydin. They holed up in the hallway with doors shut and a mattress or two against the open wall. Anna read a book to Aydin. Anna said that they stayed there until it stopped raining and hailing. She wasn't worried int he least bit, but my husband was. They said take cover and he did. Way to go honey. Sorry I wasn't home when they said to take cover.

Uhm. At the store, we were all clueless apparently and we were standing by the big glass window watching the storm and hail. I don't think we would ever know when to take cover. LOL!! We would be those crazy people, like yesterday saying "oh, that's pretty cool" and "wow those clouds are dark" and "look at the size of that hail." Please tell me that in the event of something severe enough that we would take cover. I mean good grief. They told the rest of the city to take cover, wouldn't that include shopping places as well? Apparently not. I pray in the event of a true emergency that I am at home. I would never have a clue at work. I mean we got a bunch of phone calls from worried spouses, but none of us was in the authority to do anything about it. Anyhow, all is fine and we are all safe and sound. We have a bunch of leaves all over everything at the house, but we are all fine and that's what counts. Have a good weekend all.

It's BAAAACK!!!

You wanna know what the best thing in the world to me is right now???? Well, here is a picture of it:

LOL!!! I have my freedom back. No, its not clean, (never really is) but its mine again. It cost me a lot more than expected, but runs better than I ever think it has before. There are more new parts than old under the hood. After 4 and a half months (or was that 5 months)of being stuck at home, Anna and I can finally get out and do things! No, it wasn't in the shop that long, only 2 months in the shop. YEAH!!! It is so nice to have my car back again. Now, guess what I'm doing?? Sitting at home and waiting on people to pick up sale things. LOL!!! OK, so the thing is I CAN go out if I want, today I just need to wait. Hope everyone has a good Easter and I will see you next week. Take care!!

Pray for Jonah

Yes, two posts in one day, but these babies need our prayers. Jonah was born with a skin condition that causes him to blister bad. He is a miracle baby. He just went home, but needs a lot of medical help as well. Please add this baby and family to your prayers as well. Thanks and god bless.

Praying for Stellan

I have been following this blog for quite some time and I am trying to gather more prayers for this little baby and his family. If you haven't read the story, please do so. It is heart-breaking to me to watch this family and their day-to-day struggles to keep their baby boy alive. I am very thankful to have a very healthy little girl. Please pray for this family and this baby. That's all I ask. Follow the kink and read the blog. There is also a news story about half-way down the page. If you watch that, you will get to know the whole story. Thanks all and God bless.

Weather or Not?

The weather has been absolutely crazy here lately. 75 one day snowing and high of 40 the next, then a high of 60. UGH!! Today's high is 68, but we are starting off with a balmy 27. Good grief. It no wonder we are all getting sick. Tomorrow's high is supposed to be 75 and then Thursday it should be 62. See what I mean. Temperature's are all over the place. Anna woke up with a hacking cough again yesterday and I attributed it to allergies, but with the weather all over the place, now I have a sore throat and chest. BLAH!! Can we get some consistent weather already? Good grief. Can't wait till we hold steady in the 70s for a week. Then, maybe then we can all get some much needed relief. LOL!! I know, we have no control over the weather. Just venting. I better go for now. Have a good day in our crazy weather all.

100 Truths!!

100 Truths
Last beverage: Water
Last phone call: Jeremy
Last song you listened to: How Great is Our god - It's my ring tone
Last time you cried: Yesterday
Last text message: 21 (I'll let you ponder that one.)
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice: Nope
Been cheated on: I'm not sure I want to know that
Lost someone special: yes
List Three Favorite Colors: Navy Blue, Burgundy, and Pastel Pink
IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
Made a new friend: I don't think so
Laughed until you cried: yes
Found out who your true friends were: yes
Found out someone was talking about you: yes, and it made me sad initially, but I have decided that I can't control their lives and its not worth my time to dwell on it. I pray God will take a hold of their lives!!
RANDOM:
How many kids do you want to have: one
Do you have any pets: fish, but I am NOT responsible for their well-being
Do you want to change your name: Not anymore.
What time did you wake up today: 6:30am to my daughter saying..."Mommy, Daddy left without letting me give him a kiss." I am pretty sure Daddy didn't even know she was up.
What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping
Name something you CANNOT wait for: UH...right now its for my car to be fixed
Last time you saw your father: Don't remember
What' s one thing you wish you could change: Not sure
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes
Is someone getting on your nerves right now: Yes, a whiny stuffed dog named "Scout"
Most visited web page: wyldcrazy.blogspot.com (me too....that why I'm doing this silly survey)
Nicknames: "Smidget" and "Franticteacher"
Hair color: some type of blonde
Height: 4'11"
Piercings: 1 in each ear
Tattoos: they are not for me...ouch
Righty or lefty: righty
FIRSTS:
First best friend: Supreena - From 1st grade on till I moved in 12th grade
First sport: gymnastics, but it was short-lived, too expensive
First pet: I think we had a cat and a dog, but I don't really remember
First vacation: first one I remember is to Disney Land when I was 6, or at least I think I was 6.
First concert: attended?? UH? Good question!!
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
Lips or eyes: Eyes - definitely
Hugs or kisses: both
Shorter or taller: taller
Older or Younger: older, but not by much
Romantic or Spontaneous: Romantic, but I definitely got the spontaneous type
Sensitive or Loud: sensitive
Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
Trouble-maker or hesitant: Hesitant is easier to deal with, but I am pretty sure mine's a trouble-maker...LOL
HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger: NO! Never kiss a stranger!
Lost glasses or contacts: Probably when I was younger
Ran away from home: Yeah, first time I ran away to the back porch cause I didn't know where to go. Packed a bag even with doll clothes and cookies and took my favorite doll with me.
Been arrested: No
Turned someone down: Yes
Cried when someone died: Yes, almost every time
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself: Sometimes
Love at first sight: Yes
Heaven: already booked a room!
Santa Claus: No, but the magic associated with his character is fun
ANSWER TRUTH FULLY:
Is there one person you want to be with right now: yes
Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time: no
Do you believe in God? Yes! And I also believe that he sent his son Jesus to save us!!
List the two things you love most in your life and could not live without: Only Two? I have three!! Jesus first, then Anna and Jeremy! Or is it Jeremy and Anna?
I tag:
No one!! This was too long of a survey to inflict that pain on others!! If you choose to do it, let me know. Its kind of fun!!

Car Update

Well, we put my car in the shop last week and sat and waited. Today, the mechanic called. He had some news. Boy did he have news. The good news first...I don't have to replace my whole engine. Ok, now the bad news. This is where my story will be shaky at best. Here is what it looks like happened....The number 4 spark plug was not put in correctly and it jiggled loose and shot through the cylinder head, a bunch of gaskets and ruined the head gasket. I need a new head gasket, several other gasket thingys, new coils, a new cylinder head, my spark plug slot needs to be re-threaded and then of course we need to replace all the fluids. That's all.

Long story short, it won't cost us near what we thought to fix. At least we don't think so anyhow. He is pulling off the head gasket to get a closer look at the engine and then we will know for sure what the total damage is.

This means a lot to me as I need some medical stuff done and the money was the issue preventing me from getting it done, so this helps tremendously!

Thanks for all the prayers about my car and keep them coming. I think that is enough to replace and repair right there. Also keep praying about my health. Thanks and God bless.

Refund In!

We were able to go shopping and stock the freezer (this is a long story in itself).
We bought a second DS game system, because the one Anna has is so much fun.
We ate out twice (at good restaurants).
We had my car towed in to be fixed.
Now, the rest must sit until we know what's wrong with my car and what it will cost to fix it. I am almost scared of what it will cost. I am praying that its not that much, but we do have quite a bit set aside for the repair. If it is worth fixing, then great. If not, then we will unfortunately have to look at the cost of a newer car, so I can drive and not worry about breaking down. Anyhow, so it did arrive and we must sit on the majority of it for now. That's all that's new in my life. hope you all had a good week. Take care and God bless.