Overwhelmed

Been feeling a lot overwhelmed lately and like I don't belong in the classroom.  Today was a particularly rough day.  I have random thoughts come into my head and make it hard for me to believe that I belong in the classroom.  Sigh.  Kids have also bee off the wall crazy this week with Halloween and all.  I tried to keep our "Halloween" related activities to a minimum.  I changed books we were reading, found some of my own activities, etc.  We did make masks, but that's more for fun.  We also did lots with pumpkins, but other than that, I really tried not to do too much. 

But I digress, back to the reason I started this post...I'm having a particularly rough year.  I know part of it's because I received no training from the district at all.  The other part is because I am relying solely on other people to plan lessons and since we aren't really ahead, it makes it hard.  They have a curriculum that the school adopted, but other than some of the literature from it and the tests for beginning, middle and the end of the year, it does not get used.  I can see why, as the literature parts are great, but the rest is not really easy to use.  You can't really take great stories and make a curriculum out of them.  So, since we are all "on the same page" or doing the same thing, we meet every Tuesday to plan.  I can't possibly get everything I need on my own to make the curriculum work in such a short amount of time, so I just get a few things and "share" with other teachers things that belong to them.  It gets old borrowing all the time....really old.  I can't afford to buy everything that they have though, so I have no other options.

My aide is great too, but I get the feeling that I am not using her as much as I should be, but there we are back to the no training thing, so I really don't know what I am supposed to be doing.  The other teachers always say to let the aide do it.  The aide is there to help me in my opinion, not do all my work for me.  She does a lot for me, copying, laminating, cutting out, crowd control, etc.  I do not feel like adding to her responsibilities is fair. 

And my number one source of being overwhelmed right now is the nagging fear in the back of my head related to our past.  :-(
I can not get this horrible thought out of my head that I do not belong in the classroom and something terrible is going to come up and I will be fired on the spot and not be allowed to teach ever again.  Sigh.  It's not a good feeling.  I don't know why it keeps coming back, but I've had enough.  Just the thoughts put tears in my eyes and that's easy to do lately. 

Alright, its bedtime.  Will post more tomorrow, but falling asleep here typing.  Prayers still very much appreciated.  This is hard for me still.  Thanks all. 

Wall-E and Anna

I searched the house for Wall-E last night at bedtime and couldn't find him. He's usually on my bed or in his bed and I just say good night. Last night I could not find him anywhere. I searched in Anna's room, since she had a sleepover l...ast night and I couldn't see him. I looked in the playroom where the girls were sleeping and couldn't see him there. I looked the house over and finally went back to the playroom. Looked a little closer and there was Wall-E sleeping with Anna under the covers. It was too cute not to capture, so I tried to take a pic with my phone and that was a no go, so I quickly went to grab the "real" camera and here's what I got. Not bad for being taken in the dark. I was praying the flash didn't wake up the girls!!

 

First pic shows how cute they looked...

 

 

Second pic shows all three of them all the way across...

 

 

 

  I am so glad I got these pictures and that I didn't wake the girls in my attempt to capture this.  The flash on my phone went off 3 times and them 3 for the camera.  LOL!  Love that I came across this before bed last night.

Birthday Blessings...

Well, the day started out like any regular Friday, we got up and went the 45 minute drive to work.  I worked, not expecting anything, but my dear hubby took care of that.  I had a birthday card in my box by my 10:15am break.  J had called the school and asked them to do something.  Apparently this prompted them to realize that they didn't have any emergency info at the school for me, so I in turn had to fill out more paperwork.  LOL!  I decided that I just did not want a PB&J sandwich at lunch, so I went to Sonic and brought me a meal back. At this point in the day I was still feeling pretty down, as I was feeling lonely and sad that I hadn't gotten so much as a Happy Birthday from anyone at school, not that it's their fault, no one knew.  But still down just the same.  I did feel incredibly blessed to get a card from the front office as I wasn't expecting it.  Still, my brain doesn't always think good thoughts....

Now after I got home, things started looking up.  My mom had done another load of laundry for me and had made me cupcakes for my birthday.  That was nice.  I love the laundry help I've gotten this week.  It's been great!!

We then went to lunch at Red Lobster and enjoyed it.  Waiter a little odd and forgetful, but good food and we had fun.  There, J gave me a Kohl's gift card and an ITunes gift card.  The guys who work there sung me "Happy Birthday."  I did NOT want to be embarrassed.  LOL!!  Oh well.  Then it was off to my MIL's and a short visit there.  She gave me a purse I have been wanting forever, cause I'm not about to buy me a purse myself.  LOL!  She also gave me some money to spend on myself, so I'm thinking I'm going to place a Kohl's online order.  I need a bunch of stuff, plus I have a 20% off coupon to go with their sales.  I am going to think on it over night.  LOL! 

Anna made me a little note and now I'm going to bed.  LOL!!  It is the 26th already and I've been up for hours, so I deserve it.  Thanks for all who made my day special.  I loved reading all the posts and well wishes.  It made my night.  (Yes night....didn't read most till just a little bit ago.  Night all and thank you!!

Birthday and New Job

Well, my birthday is tomorrow, and with the new job, where really no one knows me, I really don't think I will even get so much as a Happy Birthday, unless the cute little boy in the class across the hall remembers that we have the same birthday.  (It could happen, but doubtful.)  Oh and to top it off, I will be eating a PB&J sandwich for lunch, since I don't get paid till after 9am tomorrow morning.  I used the little money I had left to put money on Anna's lunch account.  Why on earth the child wants cafeteria food is beyond me.  It always looks nasty and smells worse to me, but, she wants it, so I put money on her account.  She will be having her first cafeteria meal tomorrow.  I fully expect her to be starving by the time she makes it to my room at the end of the day. 

So, I guess this is something I will miss about working my old job.  There was almost always someone who made at least something for your birthday and at least wished you a happy one.  Glad we are going out as a family tomorrow after work.  I'm going to need it by then.  Location will be determined based on what I feel like after work.  LOL!  I have one restaurant that I like, but don't care to be embarrassed by their birthday antics, so we will likely not go there, BUT we will go somewhere. 

I guess that's all for now.  I see an alert where my momma wished me a Happy Birthday on FB, so I'm going to make myself happy and go read it.  I'll be back, as apparently this is an outlet for me.  Talk later.....

Do you miss your old job?

A co-worker today asked me if I missed my other job and if I was glad I went back into teaching.  I told here there are pros and cons to each...I miss the people I used to work with, but I had been there forever.  I like teaching, but right now, it still feels like the first year all over again and I still feel like I am missing info I need to make this a most successful year, but overall, I don't think its too bad.  We certainly couldn't be at a better school for getting back into the swing of things.  I really like the staff and for the most part, I feel like things are okay.  I wished I had started earlier in the year, like oh you know, with the other teachers, but I think it will be okay.  Still not sure about a lot of stuff, but I have come a long way. 

They are doing great with Anna and she seems to be adjusting pretty good.  She loves being around other kids all day long, but really does not like our early mornings, the drive and having to go to bed by 8:30-9:00pm, but overall, I think she likes it.  She really does not like homework. She also does not like the fact that if she gets a bad grade, I make her correct it.  But again overall she likes it.

I couldn't ask for a better position.  I think God truly knows what he is doing, even if we don't.  I am trying to rely on him for strength to get through this year.  I certainly can't do it on my own....

Whirlwind...Timeline

Ok, I digress....I was keeping this timeline so I could post it about a month or so ago and I just keep adding to it instead.  This is the ups and downs of me getting back into teaching after being out for 7 years.  I would not change anything about those years.  Staying home with my daughter was the best thing I could ever do and I will never regret it, but for now we are in a new season in life.  So, without further adieu, my whirlwind teaching timeline.  (Warning: I get emotional in parts....deal with it, or quit reading!  LOL)


Teaching Timeline:

June 28, 2013-Get idea in my head that I might just want to teach again.
July 2, 2013-Apply to renew teaching certificate (Thanks to sister)
July 5, 2013-Fingerprinting for Teaching Certificate
July 8, 2013-Fingerprinting and background check complete (while I continue to wait impatiently to see if they are going to renew my license or not)
July 9, 2013-Check status in morning and realize that I am a licensed teacher once again, attempt to homeschool Anna and throw in the towel after one subject.  Apply to two different districts by days end....
July 18th, 2013-Find out one district is only waiting on my references.  Realize that it will be at least August before they can get the reference on my former principal.  Work education sale at work.  Come home to an application for another school district around here. 
July 19th, 2013-Fill out application for other district and photocopy required parts.
July 20, 2013-Mail off third application
July 22, 2013-Get online and see plenty of jobs that would be my "ideal" job have shown up, but then realize that they are not available to apply to on the application link yet. Wonder if August will ever get here.  (I'm not a very patient person when it comes to waiting.)
August 1, 2013-Talk to previous principal (boss) and ask her to be a reference.  Had to have her, since I have taught before.  Get her e-mail address. Talk to LISD district office about my application, as two references have not come back in.  Come to find out they ONLY do e-mail references now.  YIKES!  Panic sets in.  About 4:40pm, I call back and a nice lady named Stacy in HR is able to add the two missing e-mails and resend my reference forms out to those people.
August 3, 2013-Receive a phone call from a school about positions in both kindergarten and first grade. Offer me an interview on the 4th.  I accept.  Interview coming up.  (You do realize that the 3rd is a Saturday and the 4th is a Sunday.  These types of things just don't happen in schools.  God's timing is impeccable.)  
August 4, 2013-Interview lasts about 25 minutes.  It is nerve racking.  I interviewed with 5 people; principal, asst. principal, and 3 teachers already in there teaching kindergarten.  It was for the kindergarten position.  I left not knowing how it went.  They have more interviews and then the pick the one that they think will work best for them.  They then contact their district office and then district office contacts the person they chose.  It's all in God's Hands.  Always has been, always will be.
August 11, 2013-Feeling down.  New teachers went back on Friday in the district I wanted.  I didn't go back and the jobs available are dwindling.  Maybe I wasn't cut out for this?  Maybe I was reading between the lines wrong?  Disappointed at best.
August 18, 2013-After contacting the principal, head of student services and the superintendent of the school district about enrolling Anna, we decide that we will keep trying to get a teaching job, but quit fighting tooth and nail to get Anna enrolled in school.  If God truly wants me there, he will provide a place for her as well and in his timing.  We will continue to homeschool until things open up.  If it is God's will, the doors will open. 
August 20, 2013-Looked on a local districts site that I had no intention of applying at and they have two positions open in grades I would love, kindergarten and first.  I stayed up till 10:30pm filling out the application in full and getting it turned in. 
August 21, 2013-Application is finished and all turned in.  Its done.  Not in my hands.
August 27, 2013-School has been in for 2 days.  I had a moment this morning where I almost packed Anna up and took her down to the school to say test her and find a place for her NOW!  It has somewhat passed now.
August 28, 2013-I received a phone call for an interview from Hart ISD.  I never even applied there.  They received my name and number from someone else.  I would accept, if it wasn't 1 and 1/2 hours away.  It is a very tempting offer, but all my money would go to gas to get there and back.  Driving 3 hours a day is not do-able.
August 28, 2013-Applied to Post on a new Pre-K position that was just added.  Chances of getting it are slim to none.
August 29, 2013-Called for an interview from Post.  I can't believe it.  Interview was more of an I will tell you about the school, and will you accept type of thing.  Went to district office and met Superintendent.  Met other teachers, saw room that could be mine.  I accepted.  I start Tuesday, September 3, 2013.
August 30, 2013-Filled out all the paperwork, worked in my room, signed a contract and enrolled Anna for a new school year.  I can't believe that this is happening.  I also worked in my room for a brief amount of time.  Had to go to my other job, so I did not get to stay long.  Anna is scared and excited at the same time, as am I.
August 31, 2013-Begin preparing for my new school year.  It's really hard to prepare a classroom and work another job.  Especially when the classroom is 45 minutes away.  I am starting to see reality.  I have a class list, and the other teachers decorated my door and placed names down for me on desks and in lockers.
September 1, 2013-Had another bad dream about all of this last night.  Nerves are taking over.  Need to find peace in God.  That's sometimes really hard for me to do.  We have been through so much and times have been trying.  Feel like I'm doing the wrong thing and just want to go back to my comfort zone.  This job is certainly not that.  J reassures me that I can do this and it is the right thing.  I need to stop dwelling on all the bad stuff and focus on the good.  Lord, please help me.  I printed out some color sheets on the topics we are studying.  It's not ideal, but I need something to get me by until I can get settled in.  Starting the new school year a week late and relying on the help of others is very hard for me emotionally.  I have had to humble myself and accept the help. 
September 3, 2013-First day was okay.  I am all kinds of emotions right now.  Not sure I'm cracked up to be a teacher anymore.
September 4, 2013-Today was a little bit better.  Still uneasy.  This is a big change.
September 12, 2013-Getting sick.  I've been here less than 2 weeks.  I can't call in yet.
September 13, 2013-Sicker than a dog.  Called in to both jobs.  Feel really bad about calling in.  Ran fever and chills all night long.  Went to the doctor.  Bronchial and throat infection.  It's knocked me down bad.
September 14, 2013-Called in to work again.  I am still so sick. 
September 15, 2013-Starting to feel better.  Still weak and light-headed.  But getting there.  I was pretty sick.  I don't usually get knocked down so hard.  Two jobs is starting to get to me.  Only two more weeks left.  I can do this. 
September 16, 2013-Back to teaching today.  Starting to feel better.
September 23, 2013-Sick again.  I need some rest so I can get well.  Oh well, back to work.
September 24, 2013-So tired.  Only 4 days left at Mardel.  I love working there, but I can not do both.  Too hard for me.
September 26, 2013-Missed lunch with co-workers today because of breathing treatments.  I can't seem to catch a break.
September 27, 2013-Called in to both jobs again.  Spent entire morning at the ER.  I could not get my asthma under control.  Ended up with a steroid shot, new antibiotics and a steroid dose pack. I also received two breathing treatments in there.  Hopefully I can get well after all this.  I am off work till Monday.
September 28, 2013-Missed my last day at Mardel.  I stopped by to turn in my keys.  They gave me some gift cards and good-bye cards.  Bought some stuff for my classroom.  So grateful for them, but feel bad that I couldn't work my last two days there.